“I think you have always known that.” Seven years collected in memory- where delusions rise to the surface and hold me condemned to die by my own thoughts, my own feelings, my love. I still remember those words as if they were being spoken at this very moment through her raspberry pouted lips. “I think you have always known that.” I have. Even now there are doubts hanging, lingering as if I had not put my entire existence into her happiness. Begrudged heart separated from how it all began. I slowly came to the realization that it was out of my hands. “I do love you.” I reiterated my stance. To be shunned and castrated from your life-love demanded more than just soft words and idle threats. Yet I still cling to inane attempts at saving face or dreams “I love you,”- how foolish that must sound to the strong and the bold. “I love you,”- yes goddamn you, I wish I had never spoken those words. I found myself smiling with embarrassment and humiliation. Yet I still dream- even now- there. She was 5 ft 4 inches height and slightly on the bulgier side.Actually, my pervert mind started thinking wildly about the question she posed to me. But, then controlling myself, I said I just came the previous day evening and she can, if possible come in the evening to clean my room. She said Ok sir and waited there for me to give her some tips. So, unintentionally, I kept the door slightly opened and turned back and took my wallet from my pocket and took a 20 rupees note. I came near the door and while giving her that 20 rupees note, the door was opened a bit wider and while she was taking the amount from my hand, she had a complete look at my athletic body with only my undies on and smilingly said you have a nice athletic and attractive body sir. With a smile in her face, she turned again and had a deep breadth and looked at me and went away from my room.I was thinking seriously about the consequences of the hot look of Saramma and wildly started imagining about the possibilities.
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